Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Quick Note

I heard this ages ago, but have just had a chance to post it now. Apparently RB and MH have been 'casually dating' for a while now. Must be very casual for RB to have done the things he's done!

Also, me and CD seem to be getting better. Neither of us has mentioned the incident, but we're starting to hang out, with RY and the boy, all four of us like we used to. It's pretty nice.

More stuff as I hear about it. Things will probably pick up now that's school started and Stampede band with it.

Until the next big thing,


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Make Up and Make Out

Quick news. I went to pick up BG a few nights ago and found us hanging out with RY and CD. And CD was pleasant. More than pleasant. Downright friendly. I take this as a good sign. I hope it progresses further, because this is feeling good.

And I hung out with RB the other night. We went back to his place to visit with his kittens. Which are totally. Freaking. Adorable. I love them.

However, we also did other activities. Use your imagination. But not to it's full extent.

That's all that shall be said, now and forevermore. I also promise that this is the only time that I'll be elusive on this blog.

Until the next big thing,


Friday, August 21, 2009

The Tour

So, I'm finally back from tour. I don't really have much to report.

I developed a crush on KS while we were there. Partly because I was probably trying to make up for not having my boy there, and partly because KS is just an awesome guy. Seriously.

Other than that, not much to report.

Oh, except that I heard of this thing going on at school. Apparently there's something about DY and EM 'hooking up' or something, except I think both of them already have significant others, and something about MM reminding EM of this fact, and her getting mad at him, and now they're not talking, and I really don't know exactly what's going on.

All this info is from hearing MMG talk about it to SB on tour, but when me and AB jumped in to ask what was actually going on, he wouldn't go into more detail.

I guess I might hear more about it when school starts. Or maybe it'll resolve itself, and I won't hear more about it at all. We'll have to see I suppose.

And apparently BG attracts cougars. Right in front of me. Which is a wonderful experience.

Until the next big thing,


Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Continued Battle

I'm getting really tired of all this business with CD. Seriously.

A few days ago he blogged about me again. Actually used my name this time, for a change, but even so.

He basically said that he understands that he didn't handle the situation very well, but for some reason, even after all that I did to him, and I hurt him, he still feels strangely drawn to me, and he doesn't know why. He also wondered at the end why I did all this to hurt him, his family, and his friends.

My only response is this. If he understands that he didn't handle things well, why is he still continuing to not handle things well? Like, for instance, still talking on his blog as if he's directly talking to me. Sorry, mate, that's not what a blog is for. And if he still feels drawn to me, why is he not calling me? Or messaging me? Or basically doing anything to contact me directly, as opposed to through his blog?

You can pretty much see my basic belief on all this. Honestly, there have been times that I really would just like to call him, just because I'm sick of all of this, and I just want to settle it, whether it's for better or for worse. But then he goes and does another blog, and I'm reminded by how much this is more his issue than mine and...

I don't even know. I've ranted about this so much, I just feel like I'm repeating myself. But still. I'm not calling him because I really want to see if he'll figure out that the best way to fix something is to actually talk to people, instead of blogging about them. Interesting concept, I know.

I have more issues with having to talk to him, but those shall be for another time, I think.

Meanwhile, a bunch of us went to see Harry Potter 6 yesterday. Very awesome movie.

I told MK about this blog, and she seemed very bent on finding it. Her and DM are dating, which I think is really cute. He's a good guy.

Oh, I also told MK about almost everything that's happened. For me once telling myself that I wouldn't be spreading to word about all of this, I seem to be telling a lot of people about it.

Until the next big thing,


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Catch Up

Oh my goodness. I apologize for being away for so long, but it just felt like there was so much to deal with, and the longer I waited, more everything built up.

So I shall try to catch up with all the important bits, try to include as many details as I can, and then hopefully become a better blogger for all of you.

Me and BG are back together. I know, I totally turned him down last time. But a while after that we went out again, and he texted me before saying he had something important to talk about. How did I know it was going to be about this?

Anyways, he just talked to me about how he really did miss me and he's been in a bad mood for a while because he misses being close to me and such on and so forth. He said again that it was still my decision, to which I asked him what he wanted, kinda because I was sick of him always saying that it was up to me. It was a very good sign when he answered that he wanted me, without any hesitation at all.

I never recall actually telling him yes, we would try again, but what with all the acting close again, and the texting saying that we miss each other...I think he got the point. So now, here we are, trying again.

So the funny thing is, a few days after that happened, I got a message from RB. He was saying that our night together was amazing, and he felt totally comfortable, and it might have even have changed some of his views and opinions about sex. He said that if I ever wanted a repeat experience, that could potentially happen. We have a wonderful opportunity to grow, and try new things, and seeing as we both seemed to feel perfectly comfortable with each other, we could experiment together.

But now, obviously, that's not going to happen. I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit disappointed. But oh well.

Anyways, now I'm just trying to deal with the fact that I'm back in this love/hate relationship with BG. Because that's really what it is. Although I do think he is making an effort to be better. He's been really close with me whenever we go out, and he's starting to kiss me more. And the type of kisses I like, not those stupid little pecks. So we'll just see how this works, although so far it's feeling good. I do have my little moments where I start to worry that I made the wrong choice, but...well, I'm trying not to panic too much. I think it's mostly just me over thinking things.

Well, I think that's everything important. I will really make an effort to explain things as they happen from now on, so that you get a little more detail, and not just facts.

Until the next big thing,


Monday, July 6, 2009

The Whole Story

After a very busy weekend, I'm finally back to tell you of it all.

The most important thing happened on Friday. I was all set to go to bed early, because me and a bunch of work buddies were planning on going to Calaway Park the next morning. Then BG texts, and of course, we end up going out for food.

We chit-chat, and I try to be involved, and not too caught up with my thoughts. He talked on the way back to his place, so I didn't really have a moment to bring anything up until we were actually outside his place.

Last Tuesday I had pretty much figured out that this wasn't going to happen. And so I said to him that this isn't going anywhere. He agreed. I asked him if he ever expected it to, and he said yes.

We talked a lot more, about a lot of things, and he said that he was hesitant to get back together with me because he knew that he hurt me, mostly because he doesn't have the time for me that I want him to have, and he's used to not seeing his girlfriend for days at a time, but I'm not, and he doesn't want to hurt me more.

I then replied, after warning him that it was a spiteful comment, that in that case, he shouldn't have made me fall back in love with him. He said that I made it sound like I had never fallen out of love with him. To which I told him that I'm a romantic. That's not what I do.

He said it was my choice whether we should get back together or not, and he's neutral, and it's my choice whether we stop now while we're still friends, or get together and potentially ruin what could be a friendship by trying to force a relationship into it. He still wants to be in my life, whether it be as boy or as boyfriend.

At that point, I said it would be as boy. I kind of knew that was how it would end up, even if I was given the choice, but I wasn't completely sure until listening to that last shpeal. The more he talked, the more I heard answers I didn't want to hear, and the more I thought that the guy who I want would not be saying any of this. To the contrary, the guy I want would not just be saying he didn't want to hurt me, he would actually be proactive in trying not to hurt me, rather than just accepting that he would still do it, and he would definitely not be neutral in that whole deal, he would be saying that he wants to be with me. Anyways.

He sort of suggested a kiss goodbye, but I shot that down. He doesn't seem to understand the whole 'personal space' thing after a breakup. Even though this wasn't a real breakup, but even so.

Of course, that meant I got a total of 4 hours of sleep and then I had to get up early for Calaway Park. Which sucked. But the day was fun, besides HG rear ending me on our way to park the cars. Fun. Now I have a call an insurance person tomorrow. There's not even any real damage, but Dad still mentioned that if they could fix what did happen, that would be good and I don't even know what I'm going to say.

And mini-donuts are awesome. We got caught in a freak rain downpour at the park, and all the rides closed for about 20 minutes, and everybody was hiding out beneath the tents around the park. That was eventful.

I went to the bar after a 2 hour power nap that night. The bar part was fun, but then we moved over to the dance section, which wasn't as fun. Not many people dance at The Drum and Monkey and the music's not great, and there was a bunch of older guys in cowboy hats. I have nothing against cowboy hats, I actually really like them, but they seemed to be all older guys, which wasn't so fun. Plus, I wasn't drinking all that much, so I think I have to have a lot more to drink before I start dancing with older cowboys. So as soon as my mood turned for the worse, I jumped in a cab and headed home.

Which was not a bad plan, seeing as I had to be up early anyways to go to Drumheller with HG and a bunch of other friends. Which was also a fun trip, and a got a decent sleep before hand. We did the Museum, Reptile World (I held a snake), the World's Biggest Dinosaur, and the Hoo Doos. Which a little bit of getting lost in between, but it was all part of the experience. Great views. I love the Alberta land, it's gorgeous.

Didn't do much today except call RT to finalize plans for Stampede on Wednesday, and Taylor Swift. We're very excited for that. Dad got me a pass for meet and greet beforehand, so that's another thing to look excited for.

I also had to ask Mom for some money for that day, because after this weekend, and as I'm barely working over the summer, I'm broke. Thinking of applying for the Jack Singer as an usher. HG is, and MM's even thinking of applying to UTS, which would be a blast. Kind of worrying about working two jobs, even if they are ushering jobs. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew. Might talk to Mom and Dad, though I'm pretty sure they'll be worried about it too, and more likely than not will not exactly be thrilled with the idea.

Until the next big thing,


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Load of Crap

BG got off work on time again. Denny's was packed, for once, so we opted for drive thru A&W instead.

Nothing happened. We talked, but not about anything particularly important. He went on about cars most of the time.

I hate this whole 'we'll see where it goes thing'. I had that pulled on me once already, and that was a lie. This better not be the same way.

Until the next big thing,


The 'I miss you'

Holy cow. And I thought all that I'd have to blog about today was me and friends EG and RK went to the movies yesterday to see My Sister's Keeper. No way.

BG texted tonight, asking the usual, if I would want to go out for food, because he was getting off work on time. I, of course, said yes. I like hanging out with him, it's fun.

I was also happy that I'd have the chance to show off my nice pretty purple halter top, which looks awesome, but because I had no real plans today, didn't get to show off much. Now it had a purpose.

Anyways, shortly after we decide on that, he texted:

"What would you say if I said...I really miss you?...:("

Yup. That is what he said. There were so many thoughts going through my mind, I finally texted back:

"That's a good question. I don't really know. Why don't you try that tonight and we'll see what comes out?"

So I pick him up, late, since they closed off the ramp off the highway to his work, and I tried a stupid detour and got completely turned around. But I got there, and we went for food. He even suggested we go to the Dennys (which is really the only thing open after 11) on 16th, as opposed to the one on Barlow, which is right next to his place. I agree, wondering if he's doing this so that he can spend more time with me. Thinking of it now, I'm pretty sure it was.

During the time at the restaurant, he talks more about how he does miss me, and he's spent a lot of time thinking about me, particularly since he was drinking at RY and CD's house party, and he starts thinking more when he's drinking. It was also pretty much the first party he's been at without me while he's been here.

At some point I decide to reach over and we start holding hands, sometimes just one, sometimes he'll take my one hand in both of his. A few times he pulls my hand over and kisses it. By the end we've reached further across the table, and are now keeping our fingertips on each other's arms. Whenever he gives my hand a little squeeze, or kisses it, he mentions how he's missed this.

When we get up to leave, I have to go to the bathroom, so I excuse myself, and as I walk past him, he brushes his hand against my bare shoulder.

Before we get in the car to leave, he pulled me towards him into a big hug. More statements about how he's missed this. Much leaning his head on mine. And then the classic scene. He pulls away just a bit while still hanging on to me, rests his forehead against mine, and kisses me. Not a full blown kiss, but not just a brush either. Rather like a first date kiss.

We get in the car and decide to head to the 24-hour Wal-Mart. Apparently just to hang out, but there's always stuff to buy at Wal-Mart.

We hang out in the electronics/movies/games department for a while, and as we look, we start getting closer. He'll put a hang on my shoulder. He'll cross both his arms around me from behind. He'll put an arm around my waist. Stuff like that.

Finally when we're buying him socks and boxers, we start to hold hands.

We don't talk much on the drive back to his place. When we get there, he doesn't invite me in for a round of some game or another, but rather says he should get to bed.

But I'm not about to let him off that easily. I ask him what tonight was all about. He says that he's been missing me, that he'll never really forget what I did, but this that and the other thing, and we can just take things slow and see what happens.

This is where we start spilling some of the things we've been thinking for the past while. I confess to sleeping with RB, while he confesses to sleeping with some other girl. Nobody thinks any less of the other for it, so it's all good.

I confess some of my fears about getting back together, in that maybe he's just doing it because he's lonely, and doesn't know what else to do. I'll feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and always afraid I'll make some tiny mistake.

He seems to shoot them all down, saying this isn't a desperation decision, that there's only one mistake I'd have to worry about, and he's sure that won't happen again because I have more self control now. He also mentions that he doesn't want to hurt me again, and asks me what I want to do, because he hates hurting me and doesn't want it to come to that again. He again says that we can just go slow, keep this our secret, our 'forbidden love', and see where it goes.

He mentions that RY wouldn't really like his decision, but he's also not his mother and he can do whatever he wants. He tells me that RY made him tell him what was up. So I know RY knows what I did, and we're pretty sure it's a safe assumption that CD knows now too. BG doesn't know whether RY dislikes me at all because of it, so that's still up in the air.

I ask him what he wants. He says I know what he wants, but I ask him again, because I like to hear these things out loud. Funny, I can't actually remember what exactly he said, but I'm assuming he said he wanted to try again, because otherwise I would be way more apprehensive about this whole situation that I am, so that must be good.

I also ask him not to let this kind of stuff continue if he comes to the conclusion that nothing's going to come to this. He very willingly agrees. Good man.

He proceeds to give me a light kiss goodnight. Which escalates to a more passionate kiss. Which escalates still into full out making out session in the car, along with some touching and otherwise kissing as well.

As a side note, he had offered me some gum earlier, and I'm very proud of how well I was able to manage the gum during this make out session. He must have done it well too, because I'm pretty sure he had his piece as well.

When we finally finish with that, I remind him of how I thought we were taking this slow. He comments that maybe we should just take the relationship part slow, because we're obviously both horny, and we need to get our hormones out of the way somehow. But for now, he has to go to bed. He says I should text him tomorrow if I have time, and that should he get off work on time, we can go out for food or whatever.

Until the next big thing,


Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Intro

Hello all.

Where do I start? I'm RJ. See the side for more about me. This is going to be the story of my life. Speaking plainly, something that I only do with a few people in real life, but something I'm going to do all the time here. No secrets. No holding back rants. No refraining from being bitchy whenever I want to bitch. Just me.

So, the next question is how do I bring you up to speed on my life so far? I may as well start with the important drama, because that's why I'm here, isn't it?

Back in April, I cheated on my boyfriend. I don't even like to call it cheating, because I didn't mean to do it. I went to the club with KP (my buddy from school), we both danced a lot, got really drunk, and took a cab back to his place. And then I made a mistake. A really bad mistake.

BG forgave me for a few months. But apparently it was eating at him and that's never good. It doesn't help that this happened to him with a past girlfriend, only she did it twice, completely intentionally, and he had to walk in on them the second time. Not pretty.

Anyways, a few weeks ago he broke up with me. It sucked. I was sad. I cried. Me and CB had a good talk. She dropped everything to come see me. She gave me a talk about how he has his issues with it too, and it's not all my fault. It made me feel better.

So after a little while, me and BG are pretty good again. We go out for food, and text. It's all good.

About a week afterwards, RB has a house party for his new apartment. Which was awesome. And I ended up staying there after everyone left to help him clean up. Then he made us tea, and we talked for a long time. And then had sex. And then I went home.

Don't even try asking me what that was all about. We made out last summer when him and his girlfriend broke up. Are we just considering ourselves automatic-guaranteed rebound? Maybe. Who knows.

And that's pretty much my social situation. I could tell other stories, but I'll leave you with that much for now, and we'll go from there.

Until the next big thing,