Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Load of Crap

BG got off work on time again. Denny's was packed, for once, so we opted for drive thru A&W instead.

Nothing happened. We talked, but not about anything particularly important. He went on about cars most of the time.

I hate this whole 'we'll see where it goes thing'. I had that pulled on me once already, and that was a lie. This better not be the same way.

Until the next big thing,


The 'I miss you'

Holy cow. And I thought all that I'd have to blog about today was me and friends EG and RK went to the movies yesterday to see My Sister's Keeper. No way.

BG texted tonight, asking the usual, if I would want to go out for food, because he was getting off work on time. I, of course, said yes. I like hanging out with him, it's fun.

I was also happy that I'd have the chance to show off my nice pretty purple halter top, which looks awesome, but because I had no real plans today, didn't get to show off much. Now it had a purpose.

Anyways, shortly after we decide on that, he texted:

"What would you say if I said...I really miss you?...:("

Yup. That is what he said. There were so many thoughts going through my mind, I finally texted back:

"That's a good question. I don't really know. Why don't you try that tonight and we'll see what comes out?"

So I pick him up, late, since they closed off the ramp off the highway to his work, and I tried a stupid detour and got completely turned around. But I got there, and we went for food. He even suggested we go to the Dennys (which is really the only thing open after 11) on 16th, as opposed to the one on Barlow, which is right next to his place. I agree, wondering if he's doing this so that he can spend more time with me. Thinking of it now, I'm pretty sure it was.

During the time at the restaurant, he talks more about how he does miss me, and he's spent a lot of time thinking about me, particularly since he was drinking at RY and CD's house party, and he starts thinking more when he's drinking. It was also pretty much the first party he's been at without me while he's been here.

At some point I decide to reach over and we start holding hands, sometimes just one, sometimes he'll take my one hand in both of his. A few times he pulls my hand over and kisses it. By the end we've reached further across the table, and are now keeping our fingertips on each other's arms. Whenever he gives my hand a little squeeze, or kisses it, he mentions how he's missed this.

When we get up to leave, I have to go to the bathroom, so I excuse myself, and as I walk past him, he brushes his hand against my bare shoulder.

Before we get in the car to leave, he pulled me towards him into a big hug. More statements about how he's missed this. Much leaning his head on mine. And then the classic scene. He pulls away just a bit while still hanging on to me, rests his forehead against mine, and kisses me. Not a full blown kiss, but not just a brush either. Rather like a first date kiss.

We get in the car and decide to head to the 24-hour Wal-Mart. Apparently just to hang out, but there's always stuff to buy at Wal-Mart.

We hang out in the electronics/movies/games department for a while, and as we look, we start getting closer. He'll put a hang on my shoulder. He'll cross both his arms around me from behind. He'll put an arm around my waist. Stuff like that.

Finally when we're buying him socks and boxers, we start to hold hands.

We don't talk much on the drive back to his place. When we get there, he doesn't invite me in for a round of some game or another, but rather says he should get to bed.

But I'm not about to let him off that easily. I ask him what tonight was all about. He says that he's been missing me, that he'll never really forget what I did, but this that and the other thing, and we can just take things slow and see what happens.

This is where we start spilling some of the things we've been thinking for the past while. I confess to sleeping with RB, while he confesses to sleeping with some other girl. Nobody thinks any less of the other for it, so it's all good.

I confess some of my fears about getting back together, in that maybe he's just doing it because he's lonely, and doesn't know what else to do. I'll feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and always afraid I'll make some tiny mistake.

He seems to shoot them all down, saying this isn't a desperation decision, that there's only one mistake I'd have to worry about, and he's sure that won't happen again because I have more self control now. He also mentions that he doesn't want to hurt me again, and asks me what I want to do, because he hates hurting me and doesn't want it to come to that again. He again says that we can just go slow, keep this our secret, our 'forbidden love', and see where it goes.

He mentions that RY wouldn't really like his decision, but he's also not his mother and he can do whatever he wants. He tells me that RY made him tell him what was up. So I know RY knows what I did, and we're pretty sure it's a safe assumption that CD knows now too. BG doesn't know whether RY dislikes me at all because of it, so that's still up in the air.

I ask him what he wants. He says I know what he wants, but I ask him again, because I like to hear these things out loud. Funny, I can't actually remember what exactly he said, but I'm assuming he said he wanted to try again, because otherwise I would be way more apprehensive about this whole situation that I am, so that must be good.

I also ask him not to let this kind of stuff continue if he comes to the conclusion that nothing's going to come to this. He very willingly agrees. Good man.

He proceeds to give me a light kiss goodnight. Which escalates to a more passionate kiss. Which escalates still into full out making out session in the car, along with some touching and otherwise kissing as well.

As a side note, he had offered me some gum earlier, and I'm very proud of how well I was able to manage the gum during this make out session. He must have done it well too, because I'm pretty sure he had his piece as well.

When we finally finish with that, I remind him of how I thought we were taking this slow. He comments that maybe we should just take the relationship part slow, because we're obviously both horny, and we need to get our hormones out of the way somehow. But for now, he has to go to bed. He says I should text him tomorrow if I have time, and that should he get off work on time, we can go out for food or whatever.

Until the next big thing,


Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Intro

Hello all.

Where do I start? I'm RJ. See the side for more about me. This is going to be the story of my life. Speaking plainly, something that I only do with a few people in real life, but something I'm going to do all the time here. No secrets. No holding back rants. No refraining from being bitchy whenever I want to bitch. Just me.

So, the next question is how do I bring you up to speed on my life so far? I may as well start with the important drama, because that's why I'm here, isn't it?

Back in April, I cheated on my boyfriend. I don't even like to call it cheating, because I didn't mean to do it. I went to the club with KP (my buddy from school), we both danced a lot, got really drunk, and took a cab back to his place. And then I made a mistake. A really bad mistake.

BG forgave me for a few months. But apparently it was eating at him and that's never good. It doesn't help that this happened to him with a past girlfriend, only she did it twice, completely intentionally, and he had to walk in on them the second time. Not pretty.

Anyways, a few weeks ago he broke up with me. It sucked. I was sad. I cried. Me and CB had a good talk. She dropped everything to come see me. She gave me a talk about how he has his issues with it too, and it's not all my fault. It made me feel better.

So after a little while, me and BG are pretty good again. We go out for food, and text. It's all good.

About a week afterwards, RB has a house party for his new apartment. Which was awesome. And I ended up staying there after everyone left to help him clean up. Then he made us tea, and we talked for a long time. And then had sex. And then I went home.

Don't even try asking me what that was all about. We made out last summer when him and his girlfriend broke up. Are we just considering ourselves automatic-guaranteed rebound? Maybe. Who knows.

And that's pretty much my social situation. I could tell other stories, but I'll leave you with that much for now, and we'll go from there.

Until the next big thing,